When I worked at a National Newspaper after I left University heading for the gold paved streets of London, the receptionist for the entire newspaper was also a model – at that stage in my life, I had not met anyone so attractive in real-life. Every day I would walk in and try to be pleasant, even try to be cool, and I knew afterwards that I had just made a fool of myself!
Why did I react in such a way to her? Why was it that she went on to be such a success? Do you ever respond to people with a lack of confidence? And what about those other people from my school – My friend knew almost nothing about them as people, had never really heard them speak, yet their success came as no surprise to him…
They all had a certain air to them, that without even opening their mouths, all these people could have a hypnotic effect upon those around them. It is this hypnotic body language that I want to talk about today because it can help you to achieve more and excel more without you really having to do a great deal other than alter your non-verbal communication slightly. I’d like to share with you 3 ways that are key to enhancing your own success.
3 Keys to Non-verbal Hypnotic communication:
1- Genuine smiles and real laughter – I can remember as a child, when my parents were having friends over to dinner, my Mum always told me to make sure I smiled and to show my teeth when I smiled as the guests arrived (I was never cheeky enough to growl as I did so, though I was tempted). My mum knew that on an intuitive level, smiles produce positive reactions from people.
I am talking about a real, authentic smile here. A smile that has come from deep within you that expresses happiness. A natural smile produces wrinkles around the eyes and face, insincere people smile with only their mouth. Genuine smiles often come from your unconscious mind, people can feel, see and sense that they are real. A real smile means that you smile with your entire face – your mouth muscles move, your cheeks raise, your eyes crease up and your eyebrows dip slightly.
So smile more. What’s more, smile with enthusiasm, fun and joy. Really smile at the world.
The reason that ‘cheese’ is used by photographers is because to say that word you have to pull the facial muscles right back – yet it often gives an insincere smile. How many photos have you seen that show the smiles to be cheese-fuelled and non-genuine?
There is some scientific evidence to support the well-used saying “when you smile, the world smiles with you.”
Professor Ruth Campbell from University College London, states that there is a ‘mirror neuron’ in the brain that triggers the neurology responsible for the recognition of facial expressions and is the cause of an instant, unconscious mirroring reaction. In other words, realise it or not, we very often unconsciously mirror the facial expressions we see.
So if you are smiling a true, genuine smile more often – people around you are genuinely smiling more – that means they are feeling good around you. You are creating a better immediate environment for yourself and those around you. How do you feel if you are walking in the street and you see someone with one of those deeply unhappy or cross faces? Science has proved that the more you smile, the more positive reactions people subsequently give you.
Do you laugh more if you watch a funny film with friends or by yourself? Robert Provine found that laughing was more than 30 times as likely to occur in people in a social setting than when they were alone. Laughter, he found, has less to do with jokes and funny stories and more to do with building relationships. Laughter creates a bond.
When you smile (a genuine smile) at another person they almost always return the smile with a genuine one of their own, which leads to real positive feelings in both you and them; because of cause and effect. It creates a cycle of well-being: You smile and they feel good, they smile back and you feel good and so on and so on.
Studies prove that most encounters run more smoothly, last longer, have more positive outcomes and dramatically improve relationships when you make a point of regularly smiling and laughing to the point where it becomes a habit. I am guessing you knew all this already – yet are you really smiling that much. Recent research suggests that we smile 400% more as a child – how often do you genuinely smile at the world today?
2- Confidence – Something that I obviously lacked when I was younger; responding embarrassingly to the Newspaper receptionist.
I can remember watching a documentary about a murdered school girl in the UK. The parents of the girl gave a press conference to appeal for help in catching the murderer. It was the murderers downfall. The way the father communicated during this press conference led to police suspecting him and investigating him further to eventually get proof that he killed his own daughter.
Many criminals are captured not because clues point to them but because they act guilty, self-conscious and lack confidence. These feelings communicate enough to arise suspicions.
When we are congruent and most importantly confident internally, our body language becomes confident and this is communicated to the world.
Psychologists tell us that we can change our attitudes by changing our physical actions. So adopting the physiology of confidence, can help to make you seem and actually be more confident. Think about how you hold your body when you are confident and hold it that way more often – cause and effect means that holding your body this way is going to lead to you feeling more confident too.
I remember reading David Schwart’s brilliant book “The Magic Of Thinking Big” a little while back and he gave 3 brilliant tactics for enhancing confidence with your body alone:
Firstly, he recommended being a ‘front seater.’ Whenever you go into cinemas, classrooms, meetings or presentations, the back rows always seem to fill up quickest, don’t they? Most people go to the back so that they are not too conspicuous and this often demonstrates a lack of confidence in that person. Start sitting up front today, comfortable in the view of others and build confidence being there.
Secondly, making good, natural eye contact tells you a lot about the confidence. If someone avoids eye contact, we can begin to wonder what is wrong with them or what they have to hide; maybe even holding something back. Lack of eye contact can suggest that the person feels weak beside you, or that they are afraid of you in some way. Conquer this and make yourself look the person in the eye – you don’t have to give a hard stare! Just look into the eyes enough to tell them that you believe in yourself, you are honest, open and confident and comfortable with who you are.
When you appear confident and believe in yourself, the other person tends to unconsciously agree with that opinion that there is something worth knowing about you – if you are not confident with yourself or feel good about yourself, then why should anybody else be? This is communicated unconsciously beyond the conscious awareness, often with those wise ‘gut feelings.’
The other great tip David Schwartz gave is to walk 25 per cent faster. I know that when I was taken to football games to see my beloved Nottingham Forest as a youngster, my Dad was always telling me to slow down, because I was enthused and excited about my destination.
Psychologists link slovenly postures and sluggish walking to unpleasant attitudes towards oneself, work and the people around us. But psychologists also tell us that you can change your attitudes by changing your posture and speed of movement. Body action is the result of mind action – and vice versa – as I have said already; cause and effect! The person with the low morale shuffles along and literally stumbles through life with little confidence. In much the same way, average people have an average walk. You can see and sense it.
Confident people move deliberately, they have somewhere important to go and they are going to succeed whenever they get there. Open your chest up, throw your shoulders back, lift your head high, have pride in who you are, move a bit faster and feel your confidence grow. It does not have to be dramatic, just hold your body confidently.
3- The right side of the brain – Most people are right handed and as such, they have all the emotional aspects of their experiences and life stored in the right hand side of their brain and the motor responses and practical brain usage exists within the left side of their brain.
Evolutionary psychologists debate this, most tend to believe that we all have six basic emotions. Everything else is a derivative of those. Those six central emotions are: Happiness. Surprise. Disgust. Fear. Anger. Sadness.
What is worth noticing here is that only two of those are really considered good. If we are honest with ourselves, only one is guaranteed to be good, isn’t it? With April fools day just having gone, I am reminded how much I ‘enjoy’ surprise!
The vast majority of our emotions stored in our brains are unpleasant in some shape or form. It is true, the bad stuff tends to stand out in our minds a great deal more than the good things.
So, if you are going to respond to any person’s right brain, you could be unconsciously associating yourself with all those emotions stored in the right brain. You do not want to do that.
To use this information to help you in life then, when you first meet anyone; position yourself so that they have to look slightly right to look at you. Look into their right eye when shaking hands. I believe in this to such an extent that my photo is on the right hand side of the page on my websites, in my consultancy rooms I position my chair in such a way that my clients have to look slightly right when we communicate and so on.
So, there are three powerful things to bear in mind when going about enhancing your levels of success and achievement without opening your mouth.
Notice how when you smile genuinely and enthusiastically; when you behave confidently and resonate with the correct parts of the brain, you start to resonate with the entire world far, far more progressively.